It’ almost 2pm on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Brownout pa and I’m all alone in the house… what better time for a guy like me to fill my mind with what ifs and could have beens. maybe i should start blogging more and stop worrying what lurkers and friends who read this might think of me. who cares if clients discover my weaknesses. tao lang din naman ako ah.
my life is in a mess right now.
for the first time in my life, i now worry about my future, i mean really really worry. not like will i be able to save enough money, provide for my family and afford to send my (future)kids to good school or will i live long enough to see my grandchildren. i now worry on a different level.
will i be happy in the future?
i’ve always been seen as a happy go lucky and carefree guy. in my 26 years of existence, i have been blessed with a great family and sets of friends. i never had to ask for anything, they all somehow just came to me. even in all the low moments in my life, there’s always a lifeline that turned all my regrets temporary.
i have been blessed.
now i don’t know. i have always been stubborn in giving up. its both a gift and a curse. last night i was watching A Very Long Engagement. now that’s a film about not giving up. the war separated Mathilde from her fiance, Manech and her only glimmer of hope that he is still alive were second hand stories from survivors that they never actually saw Manech dead. that was enough for her to cling on. the main character always trusted her fate in big ifs.
If I don’t break the peel, Menech is alive
for a programmer like i am, conditional statements are basically the heart of every application we build. having appropriate actions for all the possible scenarios and consequences for every conditions is what it is all about. so maybe if i get more than 20 comments for this post in five days, i’ll have one more thing to cling on to… else the program will just go on an infinite loop, until all memory and resources are consumed and eventually exhaust the system’s power supply.
so cheesy and appropriate…